Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
