do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
