What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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