btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
