It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we're so committed to being not committed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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