I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
