I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
