did you get engaged???
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is Oprah even human
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
