Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
