Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
