I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
