dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
