the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
