Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have demons in me.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
