I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
