I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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