is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
