it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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