Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
