I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
