The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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