He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
