Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
