I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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