He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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