So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
