Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
