I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
