so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
