he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
