walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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