God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
