we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
