this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
