once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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