just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
