You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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