Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
