where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
