with your own penis?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
