can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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