I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
