Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
