This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
