remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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