I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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