Screwed.edu
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
