I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
