people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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