She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
